On Morning and Becoming

Like a perfectly timed clock, every morning between 4 and 5AM, my eyes simply open, on their own, with no external ‘Voices of Nature’, ‘Anticipation’ or ‘Life’s Good’ prompt from a ringtone. With what seems to be deliberate and methodical, my eyes open, and look up toward the ceiling, as if they know something I have yet to discover.

Protected from all things unimportant with the comforter tucked beneath my chin, around the back of my shoulders, and my eyes fixated upward, I lie still. This morning ritual of looking and listening has bestowed itself upon me, and although I did not choose this, I’m groggy but curious.

In this quiet morning hour, this newfound ritual wants to alert me of something.

For years, I thought I knew what I needed to know. What could I possibly learn that would change anything? On some days it felt easier to keep my eyes closed - to stay asleep.

Now, in this early morning hour, I look because I’m ready to see; and I listen because I’m ready to hear. The stillness of this early morning hour beckons me to know something; it reminds me that I want to know something that I did not know yesterday.

I stare at the once uneventful, unnoticed and monotonous basic white ceiling, remnant of a blank slate to fill; my blank slate to fill.

In this early morning hour, before buses and cars interrupt the silence, I look and listen and wonder.

With hidden anticipation of something new, I slowly sit up. My feet hover above the floor in preparation to begin again.

What will this day bring?

What will I learn?

What will I give?

And today, who will I become?

With feet firmly planted, I’m ready.

Yes.

I am ready…to begin, again.