“For years there was this deep sense of insecurity inside…or rather a wrongness about my existence that I did not know how to describe. I tried to live the values of the culture, follow the roadmap to success imparted to me through community, family and school. I was determined to be an “acceptable” kind of woman. I got educated, went into business, wore suits, thought rationally, competed against others and was successful for a time, but then my life fell apart.” -Megan McFeely
As She Is beautifully presents perspectives around the importance of feminine consciousness as a vital aspect of our life force that we continually negate.
Prior to making this film, Megan McFeely had been working in public relations in San Francisco and had been a successful businesswoman in the software industry. After experiencing the death of her boyfriend and two other family members in the span of three weeks, McFeely knew she could not go on with business as usual.
Acknowledging profound internal longing and an unsettling awareness stirring within, McFeely knew something was not right, and she had to figure out another way of being in the world.
Presenting the intimate journey of her reconnection with the divine feminine, and ultimately with life itself, Megan McFeely demonstrates the power of the seeker in Rumi’s poignant reminder that “what you seek is also seeking you.”
I had the opportunity to speak with Megan McFeely about what inspired As She Is:
BJB: Can you talk about what prompted you to make the documentary?
MM: The pain of knowing something was missing and not knowing how to deal with it. I knew I needed to have a relationship with this aspect of myself, and I also knew I needed to tell the story out loud. I didn’t know if it would be a book or a film. I worked in public television for a little bit and I wanted to get into film making. It all came together through my understanding that I needed to tell the story as it worked me over and I thought film was the best way to accomplish that.
This question called to me and asked on such a deep level inside. I knew that in order for anything to happen in my life, I had to understand this idea of the feminine. I wanted to know, “What is this?” I think the longing for the answer is what brought the answer to me.
The feminine is not about going out into the word and making things happen. It’s about the longing and calling things to you.
As women, we have this power. Maybe we are unconscious of this power, or don’t use it in the way we mean to for collective healing. But we actually do have this profound power.
I feel that the more in alignment we are with our higher self, the soul, or whatever you’d like to call it, the more power we have to manifest through longing. I’ll never be done with trying to have a relationship with this part of myself, but this was a beginning of my relationship with my inner self through the longing.
As a child I was intuitive, psychic, had a very intuitive relationship to the land and my body but I wasn’t comfortable with it. It wasn’t acknowledged in my family, so I had to let it go.
This process that I’ve been through is to consciously reclaim it.
BJB: I can certainly appreciate the effort you put into this. You could have just had a quiet break down in your bedroom and stopped there, but you worked through in the form of a documentary that will help so many.
MM: It was really always about showing what vulnerability looks like, how powerful vulnerability is, how powerful humility is and how powerful the question really is.
BJB: How did you chose the name?
MM: It came in a dream. It was very clear and actually just those words. I woke up and right when I was waking up I heard, “As She Is.”
BJB: I’ve had that experience and have wondered what that is.
MM: Maybe it’s your higher self, or your soul. I’ll tell you what I know, what I’ve learned. When we’re waking up, we have access to the place between. It’s similar to when children are first born, and just coming in, they’re more sensitive. I believe you can hear and your higher self can talk to you.
BJB: You can feel and know something within your body and not be able to articulate it. Or you may be able to articulate it but have no one in your inner circle that can acknowledge or understand it. As I watched, I thought, ‘I can completely relate to this documentary.’
MM: I find that there’s something in the film that speaks beyond the mind and reaches into the heart. I had no idea how people would respond to it. When you see your story touching others, you know you’re not holding it alone anymore. You’re now having an experience with other women.
BJB: I think a lot of people may not know what the longing is. They may think it can be quieted through a new house, car, job, or something along those lines.
MM: My sense is that it’s a longing for ourselves, our higher self and reunion with God.